The things you can do with a phone
by asedl
Summary: Taiwan steals China's phone and calls random countries, using random pick up lines and pranks. "Do you have a squirrel?"
1. Pick up lines: America

**Okay, so this is my first story in ages, so my writing is pretty rusty. The idea came to me a long time ago, but I couldn't be bothered to expand on the story.**

 **Before anyone says anything, this is multiship. There will also be prank calls!**

 **It's short because I wanted to post something, but I didn't know what.**

 **So I went with this. Enjoy.**

* * *

 _Taipei, Taiwan_

 _Friday, 3rd April 10:30 EST_

Today was quite a stormy day. Water rained down from the sky with the occasional lightning/ Under the shelter of a umbrella, a male and a female stepped out of an American restaurant.

"So, yeah... I want to get back at Sensei, but how?" Taiwan sighed, sipping her drink.

Hong Kong tipped his head, thinking. "Why don't you do, like prank calls or something?" he asked. "You're pretty good at imitating old man Yao."

Taiwan stopped mid step, effectively soaking herself, as Hong Kong was holding the umbrella. "That. Is. Genius." she declared, and took off.

"Bye to you too," Hong Kong called, rolling his eyes.

* * *

 _Conference Room, California, America_

 _Monday, 25th May 12:10 EST_

The Taiwanese girl spent the first week researching her prank. She searched up pick up lines, pranks, and anything else she thought would be helpful.

Then, Taiwan found a free online voice acting class and decided to take that, too.

Taiwan practiced her prank, day after day, that simple prank just to get back at her older brother. Seven weeks passed and no one noticed.

Finally, conference day had rolled around.

Everyone was out for lunch, except for the Asian countries (and Russia. Never forget Russia. Just don't.)

The 'victim', China, sat in his chair, dozing.

Taiwan glanced around, clearing her throat quietly. No potential witnesses. Good.

She slunk towards China's phone, which lay, vulnerable, on the table. Taiwan shot her hand out and grasped the sleek machinery.

She escaped.

* * *

Taiwan typed super fast using her Meme powers. She quickly dialed America's number.

This was going to be fun.

" _Hey, China, what is it?_ " America asked, voice muffled by what Taiwan presumed was hamburger. Ew.

"Hey, America~" She purred, in a perfect imitation of China. "How are you?"

" _Look, I'm eating, dude! What is it?"_

"Hey, just listen. I'll be Burger King and you be McDonalds - I'll have it my way and you'll be loving it~"

" _...China? Are you okay?_ "

"If you were a burger at McDonalds, you would be McHandsome."

" _China?"_

"I'd go to the moon and back, just for you."

".. _.Is this Yao Wang's 3P?"_

"Even if there wasn't any gravity on Earth, I'd still fall for you."

". _..That's actually pretty sweet-_ " America coughed. " _I mean! The hero's gonna go call the cops! And possibly an ambulance!_ "

America hung up.

Taiwan grinned, then burst out laughing.

* * *

 **Please R & R! The next will be a prank chapter.**

 **And any pranks and pick up lines (and ships, crackier the better) would be really helpful, and appreciated!**


	2. Pranks: Italy

**Okay, have another lazy chapter from yours truly. You probably shouldn't expect a third chapter too soon**

After Taiwan calmed down from the first call, she pulled out a piece of yellowed paper with a list of random and pointless questions out of a bag. Then, she randomly clicked a number on China's phone.

" _Ve? China?"_ A bubbly voice asked.

Oh. Italy.

"Hey there, Italy. I'm doing a survey - Want to do it?" Taiwan asked in her nicest voice.

" _Ve... Why not?"_

"Okay, here goes." Taiwan coughed importantly and glanced at the list. "What color is your refrigerator?"

" _It's white! With tomatoes and pasta and, oh! I stuck a wurst on there too 'cos I thought it would make Germany feel more welcome and another tomato for Spain and_ -" rambled Italy, apparently not realizing the weirdness of the question.

Taiwan ignored this and continued. "Do you have a squirrel?"

" _No, but I want one! Then I could pet it and get it to open nuts and make hazelnut pasta and maybe I could feed it_!"

"Do you eat squirrels?"

" _No~"_ There it was again, that carefree tone of obliviousness.

"Do you have a relationship with anyone?"

" _Well, me and Ludwig-"_ A yell suddenly cut Italy off.

" _Italy! What did I say about talking to random strangers about our relationship?!_ " Ludwig scolded.

 _"Ve? But it's just China..."_

Taiwan decided this was a good time to hang up.

She hung up.

 **Please R & R! Next one will be a pick up line one again!**


End file.
